Edit it!

  1. I went to the shop on Monday morning.
  2. My favourite colour is purple.
  3. The house was creaky, old and damp, but I wasn’t scared.
  4. It was a cold and rainy day; they’re safe in their car.
  5. “He’s my favourite,” mum said.
  1. I could picture the smooth oval of Laura’s face, her neatly pinned chignon, the dressed she would have bee wearing

Word Choice

The Race

The race is about to start. Penny’s breath pounds in my ear. I can feel her slim stomach rising and falling beneath my legs. 30 seconds left before the starting gun. I bend to adjust the timer that is strapped tight around my black boot. The gun sounds and I’m off.

My hand tightens on my handles, as I kick mud at a bush that is sitting close by. How could I be so stupid, to leave my bike in such obvious view of my little cousin? I should’ve known she would want to take it out. Now it’s in pieces, and I have lost because I can’t go on. I am such a sad sack. Because of my little cousin.

Stuck. Almost as sad as a solitary wolf in mud. Without its mum. My foot slips out of my boot. It hurts. I call out to my bro.

Re-write tense

“Nothing there!” said Peter, and they all trooped out again – all except Lucy. She stayed behind because she thought it would be worth while trying the door of the wardrobe, even though she felt almost sure that it would be locked. It surprised her when it opened quite easily, and two moth-balls dropped out.

They turn right. The high hedge curves into them. the interest around the table sharpens palpably: Some stiffen, others start to fidget, all of them gaze at snape and Voldemort.

They pick up the main road a little after 10 o’clock. the sky has clouded over now and the little warmth there had been in the January sun has all gone. But inside the Volvo, it is like summer. Ben has turned down the heating when his mother isn’t looking twice, and twice Justine has cranked it right back up.

Re-write this

This morning I woke up, wrapped in my cosy sheets. Slowly, I untangled myself, crawling into the kitchen where my breakfast was waiting for me. My dad had prepared my favourite meal, eggs, bacon and lots of sausages were spread out over the bench. I wasn’t feeling very hungry so I only ate a few eggs and not very much meat. All I could think of was getting back to my nice warm bed.

A branch snaps beneath me, losing footing, I stumble. Pain shoots up my leg spiralling upwards. Trees cast dark shadows across the woods. I look down to see that a shoelace is stuck under the previously broken twig. Oh wait, that’s mine.

Characterisation

  • Good: the woman
  • Bad: the man
  • Appearance:
  • woman = wavy honey-coloured hair, that hangs carelessly at her shoulders, she wears a plain black singlet, tight black jeans, and a simple belt. her boyfriends flannel shirt is wrapped around her.
  • man = a stiff straight apron, wrinked blue jeans and a black shirt pinned up at the sleeves. has muddy brown hair. posh watch.
  • actions:

Time to write!

resource image

Life was tough, being the incredible Hulk. He had a tiring week (as per normal), but today was his day off. Walking the dog was increasingly becoming one of Hulks favorite things to do on a Sunday morning. On the dot of 8, Hulk’s alarm would start vibrating, and he would slowly roll over slam his clenched fist onto the off button. Unfortunately, Hulk had broken many alarms like this over the course of his life, and he had become a regular customer in the alarm clock isle at his local warehouse. For him, waking up to an alarm was like waking to the sound of Groot’s arm snapping, painful and unnecessary. Hulk had a carefully planned out morning routine. He liked to get up throw his dog Lucy a bone as fat as a tree trunk, this seemed to keep him busy until his walk. After pulling on his sports shorts, hulk poured himself a glass of milk the size of a normal persons swimming pool. At 9 o’clock, Hulk and Lucy would set off on their morning walk through the fog of New York City.

point of view

first person

  • I
  • my
  • me
  • myself
  • mine
  • we?
  • us
  • our
  • ours
  • ourselves

third person

  • he
  • she
  • them
  • it
  • him
  • her
  • they
  • persons name
  • themselves
  • we
  • their
  • himself
  • herself
  • itself

show, don’t tell!

  • Tell: the boy was sad
  • show: Squeezing his eyes tight against the tears that were threatening to spill. Brian’s vision blurred, and his shin connected with the hard metal handle of the lawnmower. in the silence that followed, his sobs were lost in the already damp grass. His fingernails left marks in his palms as he slowly uncurled his fists, pushing his palms against the damp grass. His body felt like lead.
  • Tell: The dog wanted to go for a walk
  • Show: His bark echoed through the house as soon as I opened the door. I sunk to my knees, as he squashed his soft face into my hand. He shook his tail at me, and bounced away. His body disappeared behind the couch and only the white tip of his tail was in vision. Returning with his lead in his mouth, he dropped it into my knee and looked up at me with pleading eyes.
  • Tell: the temperature fell and the ice reflected the sun.
  • A shiver went down my spine, as I closed the door behind me, trapping the warm air inside. My hands fumbled to find the zip on my puffer jacket, and my attention elsewhere, my foot lost contact with the concrete and connected with a patch of shining ice.

Preposition

In the distance were towers of books stacked up like a skyline in New York. In front of this leaves cast shadows over the piles of stacked books gathering dust. Above the chaos a dull lamp glowed softly. Under the soft glow of the lamp sat a small girl studying a book.At the foot of the chair she was perched on, lay millions of scattered books, half open. Below the small girls gaze lay an open picture book. Inside this book many characters waited for her to turn the page.

Hyperbole

  • reeks
  • blinded
  • set throat on fire
  • burst eardrums
  • for miles
  • blood-curdling
  • tough as nails
  • My alarm clock sounded like dying cat.
  • My breakfast was heavenly
  • the mountains were so tall they touched the sky.
  • the mountains were oranger that twisties
  • the fence was pointier than a pin
  • the leaves were brighter that green highlighter